They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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