No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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