u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
