if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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