he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
