i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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