roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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