they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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