A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He has the fingertips of a God
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
