long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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