My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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