Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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