dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
