Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
