Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
