i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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