She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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