i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
