she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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