I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
