Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize