i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
