if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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