So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
