ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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