yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
