now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
