Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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