Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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