He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
