haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
