just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
