i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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