it hurts more in the daytime
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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