so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it's like iHOP with fire
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
