She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
