Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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