just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
