if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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