You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
