happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
