No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize