He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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