I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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