I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
