I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
