can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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