She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We don't watch enough power rangers
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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