Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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