Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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