I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
