Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The best revenge is premature balding
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
