can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
