you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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