so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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