I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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