this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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