What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So many bounce houses so little time
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
