this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
