I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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