While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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