the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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