hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
