What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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