I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I cut my penus on the lid.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
