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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
