ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
