erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
