Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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