dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
