He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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