I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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