I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
