I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
