I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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