I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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