I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
